hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
