But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
