Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
