I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
