I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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