my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
