Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Randomize
