btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
