I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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