The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize