I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
