And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize