"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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