She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
