i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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