i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you win again, gameday.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
