if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
