So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
