i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
