Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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