How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
