Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
