I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
