Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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