Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
