There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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