He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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