You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
