You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There are leaves in my underwear?
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