woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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