come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
