he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If its not for food we ain't going out.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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