I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
