You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
