are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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