so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
