This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
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I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
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I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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