hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
