walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
