Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
