the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
