New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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