idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
