it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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