dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
