I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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