I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
