The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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