I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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