Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
