Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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