Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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