to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
