I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
