I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
