I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
