i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
