Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize