I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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