Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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