Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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