Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
