You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Randomize
