i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
