I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
