I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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