I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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