I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
