Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
