So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
