He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
