butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
